Here’s a question we don’t hear often: Can you challenge your custody order if your ex gets a job at a strip club?
One of our founding partners, Rick Jones, has a recurring guest spot on the KZOK 102.5 Morning Show, where he tackles family law questions from listeners. This comes directly from one of those calls.
Here’s the full question:
“My ex has custody of our kids, and I recently found out that she’s been working at a strip club. And we’re not talking like a classy place, either. This place has a really bad reputation. And I’m just wondering, could this help me if I wanted to go back to court and try to get custody of my kids again? Like, she’s kind of a crappy mom to begin with, but being a stripper is probably the last nail in the coffin.”
This is clearly an unusual situation, but at its base, it’s a custody issue.
As with most custody cases, there’s a great deal to consider and multiple ways to approach the situation.
Related Reading: What Should a Parenting Plan Include?
What Are the Best Interests of the Child?
When you boil it down, what’s the main issue here? Is it that the caller finds his ex’s line of work objectionable? It may be more cut and dried if she were earning money through illegal means. Though there may be a stigma, from a purely legal standpoint, this is like a job like any other.
From that perspective, he may not have much of a case. But what if this new line of work puts his kids in harm’s way?
When talking about custody, the best interests of the children are the most important factor. Everything else generally takes a back seat while the court looks at what keeps the kids safest, happiest, and most secure.
This is true whatever job you’re talking about, and it’s also the underlying issue of this caller’s question.
Sure, strip clubs don’t have the best reputation, but does it directly impact the safety, health, and well-being of the kids? Does the job follow the ex home? Does her work life negatively impact her ability as a parent?
You can throw out all sorts of hypotheticals and what-ifs. What if your ex leaves the kid in the car while she runs into the club to pick up a paycheck? What if illegal activities are going on in her place of work?
These are questions the case will seek to answer.
You may find a job morally or ethically objectionable, but from the court’s point of view, if it’s legal and the kids are perfectly safe, you may not have much of a case.
That’s not to say an individual judge won’t feel the same way you do, but from the letter of the law, as written, that’s the reality.
Related Reading: Can Your Ex Keep Your Kids From Playing Sports?
Can You Modify a Child Custody Agreement?
When it comes to changing an existing custody arrangement, while it is possible, that’s often easier said than done.
Parenting plans are court orders and are difficult to alter once in place. Most judges are reluctant to change an existing custody arrangement.
“First of all, once there’s a parenting plan in place, it’s a little bit more of a challenge,” Rick says, answering the question. “You have to show that there’s been some sort of significant difference. And that’s resulting in existing harm to the child.”
He’s also careful to temper expectations, adding, “That being said, if this is where she’s employed, you know, who knows? It may not affect her ability to parent at all.”
To get a modification on these grounds, you must prove that your ex’s job, whatever job it is, either affects their ability to be a good parent or puts the kids at risk. However, even if you show that, it’s often still an uphill battle.
But don’t worry, it’s not hopeless.
Related Reading: What to Expect From a Child Custody Hearing
What Course of Action Can You Take?
You may be asking yourself: What options do I have? What course of action can I take?
If you do suspect your ex’s new job, at a strip club or elsewhere, puts your kids in harm’s way, you’ll have to show your work if you have to modify your parenting plan.
Rick ends with one bit of advice for the caller, “Right off the top of my head, you may want to employ a private investigator to inquire a little bit more about, you know, what sort of activities are going on at, at ‘her office,’ so to speak? But those are the types of things to look at.”
Such an investigation may answer some of those what-if questions. If your ex engages in behavior detrimental to the kids or impacts their parental ability, you can present that evidence to support your case.
If you ultimately wind up in court, a judge will likely order a parenting evaluation. This involves an outside professional assessing the family situation to determine the best interests of the children and which parent offers the healthiest, safest living situation.
The evaluator gathers information through various means. This can include interviews with friends, family, teachers, and others, observing the parents and child, and more. They then submit their findings to the court, which can impact the custody decision.
Child custody cases tend to get complicated and emotional. At the end of the day, everyone wants what’s best for the kids, both the parents and the courts.
If your ex gets a new job, like one at a strip club, and it jeopardizes your child’s safety and well-being, you may have grounds to modify a parenting plan. But it’s also important to know that, even if you show cause, judges are often reluctant to change a court order once in place.