Conflict In Divorce: Dealing With Strife

Goldberg Jones Divorce, Featured Posts Leave a Comment

Not every divorce devolves into an epic, argument-riddled screaming match. However, few situations in life are as known for causing conflict as divorce. Even in the best of times, there’s bound to be tension, friction, and disagreements.

As emotional as it is, divorce lends itself to conflict at least on some scale. No matter how combative a situation becomes it’s important that you don’t lose sight of your end goals. Giving into the temptation to fight may feel good, but it’s vital to remain rational.

You have a lot riding on divorce. It impacts your financial future, how much you get to see your children, and almost every facet of your life. With that in mind, here are some tips to deal with conflict in divorce.

1. Keep Contact To A Minimum

As you and your soon-to-be ex hammer out the details of your split, some contact will be required. You may encounter each other during negotiations, mediation, or even at trial. There are, however, steps to take to minimize contact, thus minimizing conflict in divorce. It’s possible to communicate through attorneys.

If you can’t come face-to-face without yelling at each other, perhaps try communicating through email. During mediation, it’s even possible for each party to be in separate rooms with the mediator bouncing back and forth with offers and counteroffers.

2. Custody Exchanges

If you have children, the court will likely issue temporary custody orders. In this case, you’ll likely encounter your ex during custody exchanges. Often prime times for fighting, you can take measures to cut down on conflict in divorce during these moments. Get the kids packed and ready to before it’s time to make the swap.

This trims the amount of face time between you and your ex. It’s possible to use daycare, school, or a babysitter for exchanges. Meeting in public places often reduces the likelihood of either of you causing a scene.

In some cases, you may even be able to enlist a third party—perhaps a mutual friend—who is willing to shuttle the kids back and forth.

3. Don’t Take The Bait

Few people know how to push your buttons like a former spouse. In some cases, your ex may exploit this to create conflict in divorce. While you may want to yell and fight and break stuff, don’t take the bait.

It may frustrate and infuriate you, but engaging doesn’t do anyone any good. If you have kids, consider their feelings and keep things as civil as possible.

Don’t do anything stupid that can be used against you in your case, like make threats. No one says letting insults or harmful words go is easy, but it’s likely the best option to avoid unnecessary conflict in divorce.

4. Give Social Media A Rest

Social media wasn’t an issue until recently. But now people take to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and the rest to share minute life details with family, friends, and the rest of the world. Divorce often winds up as juicy material on these outlets.

While it may seem like you’re shouting into a void, social media can turn into a liability.

Negative or inflammatory posts have a way of making the rounds, even if they’re supposedly private. This often stokes the flames of conflict in divorce and even damages your case.

And it’s so easy to avoid. The best option is not to mention your divorce or your ex at all. If you simply must share your thoughts with everyone, stick to rants about the Seahawks, the weather, and pictures of cute animals doing silly things.

5. Focus On What You Control

In the end, all you can do is control yourself. Your ex is going to do what your ex is going to do, whether you like it or not. Don’t worry about what’s going on over there, spend your time and energy on what you have power over.

If you’re in a child custody battle, don’t focus on why your ex is a bad parent, focus on why you’re a great parent. Instead of dwelling on past wounds and fights, make plans for the future.

It’s a great time to take care of yourself and your circumstances. That’s a much better place to spend your energy than worrying about what your ex is up to.

Ending a marriage is a contentious time and there’s bound to be some level of conflict in divorce. After all, if things were perfect, you probably wouldn’t be doing this, would you? That said, there’s no reason to cause more trouble than you absolutely have to.

It may be cathartic at the time, but fighting for the sake of fighting ultimately won’t make you feel better. At best it’s a momentary jolt, at worst, it may negatively impact your case. In the long run, it’s best to concentrate on the positive things, the rest is just noise.

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